Searching for Calm

Boring.

It’s how I feel right now, and I somewhat welcome it. somewhat.

It’s a bit calming and my life tends to be a bit chaotic – of my own creation I know (and possibly with a little help from Pops).

Every once in a while I decide to address this issue and try to adjust and grow from my observations. So, I’ve pulled out my The Simple Living Guide: A Sourcebook for Less Stressful, More Joyful Living again and re-read it’s worn pages to consider what more I can do to bring calmness and tranquility back into my day-to-day.

I’m trying to understand myself better and how and why I add and add and add to my days until, well, a semi-meltdown occurs. These meltdowns are nothing similar to volcano eruptions. I tend to be a pretty mellow and easygoing person. Though this might be why these moments seem more intense and cause me to stop and reflect.

This last meltdown actually became a sickness approaching pneumonia – the sickest I can ever remember being. More tired than I’ve ever felt and a forced “break” ensued. Instead of focusing on the negative, I’m calling it a much-needed rest.

Now, I’m trying to understand not just this episode, but why this does seem to re-occur throughout my life. Especially as I get older – and I hate to use that statement as a crutch, but I swear in my 20’s I could do it all (or so it seemed).

I’m cutting back on everything as much as possible. I’m into lists lately (thanks to the Blogging Your Way e-course) and am writing lists of what I do each day, how much time it takes and checking to see just what is reasonably left over – while keeping my priorities straight.

I realize, from these lists, that there’s just not that much time left-over. After all the basics are covered and priorities are met and even though I’ve simplified as much as I can, there’s not a lot of time available.

The problem I have with this is that I have this huge desire to create. Nothing specific, just create something whether it’s a collage, greeting card, framed photo, scrapbook page, wreath, quilt, hat…just something….and well, the time for that seems very limited always. Trying to fit in the time for creating always seems to bump something else and/or cause stress on everything else.

After I review the list of what I do each weekday and the time each thing takes, there just doesn’t seem to be any room for movement. I think I need to accept that any creating will have to occur on the weekends. Of course there’s always lots to do on weekends as far as errands, etc., but I think I can safely allot a few hours on those days to play in my studio. At least I hope I can – and I hope accepting this will add more calm to my weekdays.

Is this how it is for everyone? Should I focus on counting my blessings – of which there are many and consider that at least I’m never bored?

Should I work on acceptance? Acceptance that at this phase of my life, this is what my work weekdays will be like. Saving all “creative” time for weekends?

aaahh, what to do, what to do? It all seems kinda silly at this point, but I need (and would love) advice and/or a reality check.

Please advise,
~ Lita